


Maybe You Are

by rainysunset



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, F/M, Unhealthy Relationships, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-02 01:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17878508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainysunset/pseuds/rainysunset
Summary: Things with Brian is going to end, because Jae is pretty much a catalyst that speed up the process. And here's Rae still wondering about how easy everything go with him. A couple of dinner together, a movie night, an everyday picks up from work to home, a never ending driving-talk, and a busy weekend preparing the wedding. That's how Jae filled her. Naturally. And it's not always about sexual thing with him. It's rather full of feelings. The feelings she should be felt in her early 20's.An innocent flutter, a modest expectation, a sincere affection.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rated Mature but it's not smut XD  
> Gonna be in Original Femal Character's point of view for most of the chapters, but will change to Brian's or Jae's later.

 

"I said I've been set up in a marriage." I look at him who still not giving any reaction regarding that information I just told him.

I'm hoping, really hoping for a little bit of surprise look from him, but what he shows me right now clearly broke all of my hopes. He doesn't flinch a little bit, not a single blink of surprise, or even a twitch of lips. I feel my dignity flow out of my soul right now.

It's not his fault. He made it clear from the beginning, that he doing it with me just for fun. Nothing more than to satisfying his sexual need. He reminded me everytime we met. Every morning when we woke up in the same bed, he reminded me of that fact. Said that I shouldn't loose myself, said that all the nights we spent together are meant nothing to him.

And I agree everytime, solely because I was too bored with life.

Thought I can control myself, thought I never wavered. But turns out it's getting harder the more I'm spending time with him. He completely owns me in his hands. I'll run to him just by 'I need you' in his message. I came to him, craving him for more as time goes by. I started to put my feeling in the game.

I try to keep it lowkey, but he feel it, apparently. He felt it when I started care for him, and he use that for his advantage. Using me even harder and makes me fall for him deeper. It's like a never ending cycle. All of his reminder about our relationship becomes nothing, because it wasn't working for me. He knew it but he keep doing that just to avoid the blame later in the future.

And here is the future I'm talking about. I silently hoping him to keep me, to embrace and accept my feeling, but of course he won't move from his place. He already stated clearly from the begining, that he's not gonna change his feeling by whatsoever happened during our game. And he's true to his word. Now I can't blame him with what I feel right now.

I'm miserable.

I sigh, "Can you say something?"

"It's for your own good."

I look him in the eye, still can't believe that's the words that came out of his mouth after his long silence.

"Honestly, I don't know what you're doing with me. I don't have anything, pretty much different from you who has everything in your hands already. Money, reputation, clear bright future. A marriage is good for you." He explains. At least he talking about this, because it means he think about it.

"What about my feeling?" I said quietly.

"It will grow for whoever your husband-to-be like it grew with me."

We look at each other.

"It's unfortunate that you have those feelings for me. It shouldn't appear, though. It's unfortunate that I let that grew. Looks like I was trust you too much to handle it alone. Looks like my reminder wasn't enough." He said again, still with those calming state of his.

I gulps, feeling more miserable. I close my eyes, tired.

"I think this is a goodbye, then." He said it finally. "It was fun. I'm wishing you happiness always, Rae."

-

 

We left alone after dinner. Our families said we should get along, know each other before the wedding day. Everything is happened so fast, without even an official engagement or something like that. We set the wedding date already, both of the families just want to get over it as soon as possible. That's how business works. It's basically just a business for both of families. Both parties's reputation is on the line. Getting me and him together will open many doors for our business. Even bigger one. A team that people predicts will never going to lose through centuries.

I don't care. I live like that for my entire life. I did what I have to do, what my parents told me to, I always be a good girl for them, but I don't really care a single thing about that. They don't have to know how crumble I am, how a mess myself is, actually. Come to think of it, that's the reason why I'm playing with Brian. He was just as crumble as me when we met, bored as hell with each other's life, so we easily lost in each other's companion. The difference is, he controlled his feeling perfectly while I wasn't.

But no, I decided to not break. I just need to get back to my old self. A confident rude good girl I am, at least in front of my family. Not sure if I can do it in front of Brian Kang.

Now him, Park Jaehyung, soon my husband. A childhood friend of mine, the annoying one. We always compete to be more rude against each other. Never get along well, always bickering. But apparently, our family saw that as cute interaction, an indication that we're close. Which is not.

A dozen years not seeing him because he was study abroad, he grew to a very tall man. Handsome and classy with a really good intuition in business. He's a perfect future leader, as he won many projects in his own hands. His reputation is rising these days, become one of the young business man that people want to work with. That's another reason why my family agreed to this marriage proposal.

Yes, my family is the one who received the proposal from his family. They said they're always like to connecting every business aspects with my family. Two giant groups of South Korea become one. Imagine what will happend later to the nation. And it seems Jae too, like me, is an obedient child.

So here we are. Watching an amazing night view from a rooftop resort Jae's family own in Jeju. A luxury, very exclusive one. Private beach in front of us, hiding from common people.

He handed his suit for me. Jeju's weather never felt too cold, but it's windy. A warm comfortable wind, though. He giving me his suit is just a basic manner rich people do. And I received it, put it on me nonchalantly, just like rich people do.

"Just get this over it." I said facing him, blocking his view of the beach. His dark brown hair moving because of the wind and I found it endearing somehow.

He frown his forehead.

"I know this marriage is just about business, so let's list the things we shouldn't cross after the marriage."

"Why should I?" He stares at me, one corner of his lips twitch up.

"You hate this as much as I do. You do this just to obey your parent's wish."

He laugh a little, "Says who?"

Now it's me who frowning.

"Again, you're assuming things. Seems like your habit of assuming things still hasn't change." He smile.

Every grown up woman in the industry craving for his smile, I heard. Every grown up woman want to laid herself for him, I heard. He's like an Idol, I heard. True, apparently.

"You don't...?" I look at him in disbelieve.

"No." He wider his smile, showing his white neatly arranged teeth of his. "You want to know a secret?"

I give him a questioning look.

He moves closer. And closer until just a tiny air left separating us. His face go to my left ear then he whisper, "I'm the one who asked for this marriage."

I get shivers in my shoulders. I'm wearing his suit that covering my shoulder's skin but it's like the wind can blow through it. Is it the wind? Or is it his breathing on my ear? And also, why he stay in this position longer than he should be? As if he want to making sure that his words are glued on me.

I look at him when he finally step back to his position, but still standing too close, "Why?" I'm frowning again.

He tilt his head a little, stare at me with a questioning look, "You don't remember?"

I frown my forehead deeper, thinking. Trying to understand what he meant by that. He must be implying about some childhood memories of us, right?

"Try to remember it, then we can talk again about this." He step backward again. "Now let's go inside, you're freezing."

I'm still deep in my own thought, and he just standing there waiting. Finally I give up after awhile, really can't call anything from my childhood memories.

"It's warm, though." I said before stepping forward.

"But you're freezing." He touch my left cheek just like that. He matched the timing of my step that walking to him and he just did that by the time I was on his hand reach. "I'm right."

I stop because of that. Wait. Is he the same Park Jaehyung from my childhood? Why is he like this right now? What happened to him? We should be bickering about this marriage thing, but what's with him being all sweet and gentlement?

"Look, you still don't understand your body immunity, too. Are you still get sick easily?"

I just staring at him. "Who are you?" Finally I can't hold it anymore.

He just smile and shrug his shoulders, then turn back and walk away from me.

-


	2. Chapter 2

 

I know I shouldn't do this. I know it with a little part of my right mind left, I shouldn't come here. He'll be here on Tuesday, always. This is the place where he gets big amount of money, of course he will be here.

My friend own this place, an exclusive club where rich kids gather. It's very exclusive to the point that normal people can't get in without a relation from the regular. Also, the security guard has some kind of list of old-money-rich that absolutely can get in, updated monthly based on my friend's intelegent observer data. Nowadays, it's open to those soon-to-be-rich too. But still, normal people without anything can't get in.

Brian is include in that criteria. A normal people who has nothing. But I make him a regular here, as a performer. His name is on the list after he met me. Time goes by and this place has become his best place to get money. Of course he will not walk out from here just because our things are done between us.

He still there on stage, performing like usual with the DJ. Minutes later, it's just him with his guitar, singing any song he pleased. And he did people's requests too, he always having fun up there. I know he won't leaving this place. I should be the one who stop coming here. I'm the one with problem, I should be stay far away from here.

But I'm here again tonight. Not sure what should I expect. Not sure if I expecting him to talk to me, or hang out with me again, or spend another night with me. I don't know, I just arrived here after wandering to a couple of places in town.

I am miserable. I'll be someone's wife in a couple of weeks but still craving for a normal guy who has nothing. Brian really has nothing compared to Park Jaehyung. But it takes time to really pull off Kang Brian from me, just like it takes time to make Park Jaehyung consuming me.

I sigh, take another sip of my drink. Am I planning to get drunk tonight?

I see Brian sighing from the corner of my eye. He already spotting me. It's not hard though, as I always take this side of the club. He move his tounge inside his mouth until it bubble up his right cheek, thing he always do when he thinking. He's thinking about what should he do with me. He's thinking about approaching me. He do it anyway.

I smile on myself because of that then takes another sip.

"You're torturing yourself or what?" He asked when he finally sit beside me.

I takes another sip before answer, "It's the only comfortable place I've been go to. I can't move to another place just like that."

He silent about it. He understand. This always be my favorite place, long before he came here. So he can't do anything about it either. I leave or he leave, that's the only option to really end this. But looks like no one planning to leave anytime soon.

I keep drinking, with him sit calmly beside me. He's not saying anything, just sit with his back touch the sofa comfortably.

"I'm not here to see you, though." I said in the middle of my own little party.

"I know."

"You can leave." I drink again, starting to feel dizzy.

"How can I? There's at least 5 man who watching you right now."

I look around and smile. "They're thinking inside their head about why I still hang out with you after announcing my marriage..."

"They try to take you." A pause, then "It could be your husband-to-be informant, though."

I tilt my head a little, thinking about it. I nodded my head, "Probably." But I doubt Jae would do that.  
  


 

I already drunk, can't see properly by the time the DJ starts his solo show and people starts to going crazy on the dance floor. Brian took my hand and put it on his shoulder, trying to make me stand up, but I insist to stay to drink some more.

An hour later I give up. I let Brian takes me to wherever he wants. But he don't have many options. He takes me to this room. Same room, same hotel where we spent the night together. My hotel. My favorite room.

His face is blur in my eyes when he laid me on my bed. My right mind has completely gone and I grip his neck with both of my hands tightly. So tight that he can't escape. He call my name, to reminds me, but I give no care to that. I pull him to me instead.

I kiss him. Hard. He try to not respond to that but he give up in the end, kiss me back with the same intense feeling as me. I really can't think of anything else beside take him right away here right now. I'm shivering, craving for his touch on me. I want him again, god I can't get away from this.

But he come to his senses and stop.

"Stay." We look at each other, panting. This is the last thing I can do to be able to be with him tonight. "Please, stay." I practically throwing my dignity away. I'm miserable.

He look at me, thinking.

"I need time to get rid of you. I can't just re-attached you." I said, still drunk. But I can feel him soften his gaze at me.

"You're drunk, Rae." Damn at how he call my name. I always like how my name sounds from him.

"I still want you." I said breathlessly. I pull him again to another kiss, and he surrender to it.

Finally he put his hands on me, touching me.

"I know you still want this, too." I said again in between of my panting and kissing.

"How can I reject you if you're being hot like this?" He runs his mouth to my cheek, and neck, and linger there. Nibling and sucking at it.

I panting hard.

We lost against each other again tonight. We do it again tonight. Harder. Rougher.

Just how we like it.

-


	3. Chapter 3

 

I smile for like a hundred times already for the past two hours. I don't understand why I should be here. Sure, it's an important event for Jae, but I can't see why I invited along with him. We're not a newlywed yet, why put my name in the same invitation as him, though. And although I see some of my family's collegas, it's pretty much Jae family's circle. And here I am, introduced to many people as Jae's wife-to-be, showing all my smiley face in front of them.

"I bet you're bored right now." He whisper right beside me.

"So tell me why do I have to do this again?" I say softly to him. Thank god, they're leave us alone now so I can at least stop forcing myself to smile.

"They're just curious about you."

"Oh..." I look at him, "So is this a regular event in your family...?"

"It is," Jae smiles. "It's been running for..." He lift up his head, thinking.

He really handsome right now. Like, I stand in the right angle to witnessed his jaw flenched and his adam-apple moving up and down.

"...I don't know, I lost counts. I've been attending this since I was 10."

I open my mouth, "Of course you lost count! Why bother to try counting it?!"

He laughs.

"This time you are the main star, then?" I pointed at Jae's picture hanging in the middle of 2 young man, presented as the future of the group.

He smirk, liking it. "Kind of..." He sip his drink. "I'm the one with a wife-to-be between those three so maybe that's why my picture is place in the middle..."

"This is an important gathering, then."

"Not really. It's not like you have to behave yourself to gets everyone's approval or anything."

"I still need to look appealing."

"You already are." He looks at me, smiling again.

"Did something happened to you? You're not the same person as you used to be."

"What kind of person I used to be?"

We walking around the room just like that, not going to particular destination. Just to be left alone from people, honestly. We're finally got a chance to talking.

"We used to hate each other. We always bickered at each other in the past. You were the most annoying kid I've ever met. You always did opposite things from what I like."

"We were bickering often, but I didn't hate you."

"But you're not a sweet type either back then."

"Am I the sweet type right now?"

I look at him, "At least you're not that annoying anymore." I smile a little, "But I still can't remember about the thing we talked about last time. About why you want to marry me."

"Should I give you a hint? It's upsetting that you don't remember it while I always thinking about that day and words you said."

"See what I mean? That must be something I didn't like. Because from what I can remember, you always did something opposite to my liking. And what is the hint?"

"6th grade. When we're gonna do a theatrical show before graduation."

I frown my forehead, stop walking to be able to thinking properly. Jae is stop walking too, waiting, staring at me the whole time, smiling to himself enjoying this.

"I remember the show. We even have DVD for that, right?" Jae nodded. "But what did I say to you? Was it upsetting you?"

"Pretty much." He smiles.

But he smiling right now, isn't that mean he'd get over it? And it's become the reason he want to marry me? Because of childhood thing I can't even remember and he already get over it?

"Jae!" A guy shouts excitingly from the corner of the room.

Jae look to the source of the voice and smiling even wider. Genuinely. The guy who shouted his name is running a little towards him right now. And by the time he arrived, they hug each other tightly, laughing. They look very happy to see each other.

"I thought you're still in Kenya!" Jae say very lively, exciting, surprised.

"I arrived last night. I can't pass this chance to meet you, I already miss the last one. Besides, you're gonna married soon! I should be on your wedding, kid! God, you've grown so fast and so good! Since when you become this handsome?!"

Jae laughing at every words the man said to him. "I really miss that fast talking of yours, uncle."

Uncle?

They're lost in their conversation for awhile, talking about how much they miss each other and when the last time exactly they met each other. But finally Jae glances at me and smiling, introducing me to him.

"He's my favorite man in the world. His position's even higher than my dad. He's my forever best friend." Jae said after I shake his hand.

"So you successfully get your childhood princess, huh?" He punch Jae's shoulder softly.

I frown at his words. Jae's childhood princess? Is he talking about me? When I become his princess? I'm thinking hard, and somehow Jae's hint earlier comes to me, slowly opening the door of my memories.

It was 6th grade, indeed. We're gonna do a theatrical show, indeed. I was chosen as his princess back then. I remember right now, but it still doesn't answer the question of why he want to marry me, though. He said he never forget that day and the words I said to him? What I said to him? Suddenly I feel the urge to watch the DVD again to reminisce those times, maybe with that I will remember something about that time. Am I still have that DVD?

I come back to current life when a woman with a child join us. She's Uncle Sungjin's wife, and this cute little toddler in her arms is their first child. It's a boy and he looks so adorable.

"I'm sorry, we're interrupted by a chocolate foundue back there. Hanwoo can't avoid chocolate, so..."

"It's okay, you can take as much chocolate as he wants." Jae laughing happily. This is now finally feel more like a family gathering than a business event.

"So is this chocolate in your face?" I smile to Hanwoo who staring at me. He's smiling at me who clean it up from his face.

"Oh, I thought I cleaned all of it from his face, I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay." I smile to her then look up again at Hanwoo. "Want to eat another chocolate with me?" I'm waving my hands at him.

He smile and nodded his head exciting.

And the next thing happend is clearly not what I thought would happened in this event. Hanwoo is in my arms while I'm walking around this room to make him taste many kind of cookies here. We go to one table to another. He's so happy about it and I get more attached to him.

We go back to his parents when he said he already full of it. They're still laughing reminiscing their past by the time I come back to them. Hanwoo still comfortable in my arms, not showing any interest to get back to his mom, and they're laughing at that. I always like children, so it's fun playing with Hanwoo even just for that brief moment. Jae giving me a surprise look the whole time I'm holding Hanwoo and talking to him in a cute voice.

 

Jae's mom calling when we're already on our way to my home. Jae is driving to my house's rute, but his mom insist for us to stop by to take kimchi she just made. She said she made many of it and want to share it with my family. So Jae make a U-turn and head to his house instead.

"Sungjin is a year younger than me." Jae say suddenly.

"Really?!"

"I called him Uncle to tease him, because he got married in such a young age."

"He didn't deny it, though."

"He used to, but looks like he tired of it." Jae laugh. "I really admire him, he's the most carefree but responsible person I've ever knew. He always know what he wants for his life. When he given the opportunity to runs one of the business, he rejected it right away because he wants to be a volunteer in Africa. Can you imagine?!" Jae looks at me with such a disbelieve expression. "Africa, in his 18! He just graduated from high school, but he's already planning his future. His family got stressed about that, but let him do what he want in the end. They're cool about it now."

"Admirable indeed."

"Yeah, right?"

"I never had the courage to say what I really want for my life to my family. The fact that I'm the only child alone is already makes it complicated." I look at the road with wondering eyes.

Jae glance at me because of my statement, I see it from the corner of my eye. He want to say something but we already arrived at his house, so he let that pass this time, said that this talking will be continue somehow, in more comfortable way.

Jae's mom is still the same person I remembered from my past. She's warm, and always smiling. She always treat me like her family since I was a kid. She hasn't change that much from then.

"When did you make this, Eomoni? You should've call me, I'd help." I said when I see two big boxes of kimchi on the table.

"You can make kimchi?" She asked surprised.

I smile, "I... haven't done it for years, but I used to. When I was a child, I like feeling the seasoning on my hands and spread it one by one to the cabbages."

She smiles while tying the fabric to covering the boxes.

"Besides, I really like that everyone in family gather together to do that. Now we don't do that anymore."

"That's why I make this for you. Here too, not everyone doing it anymore, just me and all the Ahjummas." She laughs.

"I'll eat it deliciously, Eomoni. Thank you so much." I smile to him.

Jae is changing his clothes so his mom takes me to the TV room where I can see many photos of this family members. Jae has a brother, who now running one of his family business too. Still single though. I don't know why Jae wants to marry this soon, he still young and just started rising in the industry. Shouldn't he having fun first?

I look up to every picture of him and his mom explains everything. When Jae just born, when Jae graduated, when Jae moved out to study abroad, when Jae spent holiday from school, everything. And there's also a picture of our elementary school's theatrical show he mentioned about. We stood on stage with our mates after the show, still with our stage costumes. Yes, I am the princess, look grumpy and hating it while he all smiley beside me as a prince.

Suddenly something hits me. My face back then really shows what I feel. I hating it back then, even up until now. I don't like to be a princess. I always think that princess is an egoist character. She had everything but she still demand an even better things for her life. Some of them is naive, said want a normal life but the truth is they will crawling back to their castle to be with her prince charming. I hate it because it's pretty much similar with my life back then. Maybe even now too.

"I really hate being a princess back then." I point out to that picture and Jae's mom give an expression like she just fitting a puzzle.

"Why? It suits you. You resembles any princesses in the world."

"Because princesses life is kind of similar with me, and I hate it."

A long silence filling the room. I'm not looking at her so I can't tell what she's thinking right now regarding my words.

"Not because you didn't like Jae for being your prince?" She asked finally.

I turn my head to her, "What? No, of course."

"But you said you don't want to be a princess because I'm the prince, back then." Jae interrupts our conversation.

"I didn't."

"You did." He insists.

"Really?" I try to recall that memory again, but my brain can't process it, just like always.

"You said that I'm annoying and lousy that I can't even protect you from the witch and your parents."

I frown my forehead. How can he remember every words like that?

"There's no way someone can remember my sentences precisely like that. Aren't you just making that up?"

"I remember it clearly, I wrote every words you said on my notebook when I came home that day." We stare at each other.

"He came home crying, screaming and begging me to make him marry you." His mom whisper softly in my ear.

"Mom!" He annoyed, feeling embarassed. "You ruined everything!"

His mom laugh happily, liking it. "Okay, I'll leave it for you two alone, then."

"How can you leave just like that after what you've done?" Jae shouts softly to her who disappear to a room.

He looks at me after that, who still frowning my head, trying to remember anything.

"Wah, you really don't remember it? It's upsetting!" He pouts his lips.

He pouts his lips...? Really...? Okay, but it's cute. Acknowledged.

"Maybe I said that just so they can change my role. I really hate to be princess."

He looks at me like he's searching something, "Not because you hate me to be your prince?"

I pause for awhile. "Maybe half-half...?" Then I grin, joking. I really can't remember it though.

I turn around leaving him, takes the two boxes of kimchi from the table. It's heavy.

"What about now?" He ask, walking to me then takes the boxes from me. "You still hate me?"

"I don't know, we just meet again after years. And you've changed."

"I haven't changed that much, though."

I turn my head to him, eyeing him from head to toe, with the expression of 'Really?'

He giggles, "Beside my appearance that surely become more handsome, I haven't changed that much."

I laugh at his confident, but not deny it. He really are handsome. Very. Breathtakingly. Have I said that girls lining up to get laid willingly for him? I didn't surprise if he make an advantage from that.

"Impossible that human didn't change. Your mind must be change, your thoughts, your perspective must be change. Even without you knowing." We arrived at his car. He put the boxes of kimchi in the backseat while I open the passanger's door.

"The things you mentioned surely are change, but that's because it influenced by the changing of human's education. When the level of education change, those things follow the changes. That's a fix thing." He get in the car then move closer to me to put my seatbelt on just like that, without thinking or anything. He is in the middle of talking though.

And here I am getting nervous because of that small act I never experienced. Like a teenager.

He put on his seatbelat too before turn up the engine and change the gear. He look at me because I become silent, still not responding to his talking.

I clear my throat and lick my lips. "So what do you mean by you haven't changed that much?"

"My feelings? How I act and feel towards certain thing and certain people. I'm the type who likes something for a long time. Like if I like one cafe, then I will regularly come there from time to time. And it can last for years."

I look at his driving stance. If I said already that he's handsome, right now he even more handsome. Modestly handsome. He just wearing a black v-neck and jeans, but that's enough to pull out all of his handsomeness. A modest definition of youth. Makes me want to go back to my college life. It makes me wondering how to living a college life with him.

"What else?" I just want to keep hear him talking.

"Is it here? I'm sure it's around here..." He look around the side road, to an old city-forest.

"What?"

"Oh there! It's still there?!"

I stare to where his fingers pointing.

"A tree house. I used to stop by there after school before I went back home, and kept my stuffs there."

I frown my forehead then staring at him in disbelieve.

"I can't believe that thing is still there." He smiling excitedly.

"You wanna check it out?"

He glance at me.

"Your stuffs. Maybe it still there." I'm not bother asking how he found that place and how that thing is still there after years, that land must be owned by his family. It's very close to his house.

"You don't have anything to do after this?"

"No, not really."

"Okay!" Again, he smiling wide his pocket cheeks bubbling cutely.

 

"It used to be bigger back then."

"It was you who small back then!" I laughing. Jae is climbing right now, while I still on the ground looking up to him.

I see Jae crouching down his body to fit the house.

"I can't stand up!" He laughing to himself. "But it's comfortable if I sit down." He sits then looking at me.

"There's space for me?"

"Pretty much. Careful." His stare never off of me and he lend his hand to me.

I grab it, hold it, and with the last step of my feet on the wooden stair glued in the trunk, he pull me up. And yes, I crouch down immidiately. The roof is low but the room is spacious. We can lying here and there'll still be enough space left.

But we need to squat down for moving. And that's what I do to go deeper to the house. And yes, there's so much stuffs here. Mostly a boy toys. Cars, lego, dinosaurus, robot. But there's a weird thing too, like calling voucher. Vocher that we use in our phone for calling or texting. It's really an old thing.

I look at the vouchers, "Why you kept this?"

"I don't know, I just like the feeling when I touch it." And he touch it while I frowning. "And it has interesting picture in it."

It's an abstract painting, a little bit similar to Batik pattern. I put it down and grab a little box placed at the very bottom of this stack.

"Don't open that!" Jae shouts suddenly.

"Why?"

"Just don't. Give it to me."

"Why?" I tease him, move the box away from his reach.

"It's my time capsule, only the one buried it can open it."

"It wasn't buried, though." I open it and pull out two pages of paper full of hand writing.

He move closer still trying to steal the paper from me. And I try my hardest to prevent that.

"Dear my older self..." I moving my hands to the right and left to avoid him, but he has a long arm, really. "...please don't get afraid anymore. Please be a man. Study hard and listen to your parents. So you can protect her..." My head touch the wooden floor with a thud sound. I close my eyes and bite my lips spontaneously. I try to hold my grimace caused by the sudden pain I felt.

"Oh I'm sorry!"

I open my eyes and see Jae just there right in front of my face, pressing his body above me.

"Are you okay?" He touch the back of my head then lift it up a little to be able to stroke it with his fingers, trying to reduce the pain.

But what I'm feeling right now is my heart beating so fast it almost burst out of my chest. I'm nervous to hell and shivering to my veins. Jae is still look at me nonchalantly while stroking my head, but slowly... he realize it too. How awkward our positions are. How intimate we are right now.

Then it's starting to feel hot when his eyes looking at me intensely. He's staring my eyes and I get more nervous like a teenager about to feel her very first kiss. I see his eyeball moving then, from my eyes to my nose, and down to my lips. His stroking on my head had stop long ago, we both frozen. Like waiting a grenade to explode. Breathtaking.

"Can I kiss you?" He say very softly, quietly. His eyes on me, hoping.

He can do it without asking, though. I am his wife in almost two weeks.

"Why asking?" I answer him just as quiet as him, my voice is nothing more than a whisper.

He move his hand from the back of my head to the side. He carresses it, move his thumb on my cheekbone, stroking it. He cupped my cheek fully then move his face closer to me. He did it. I close my eyes and feel his lips touch mine, hesitant at first. But not long after, he press it tighter makes my lips move by itself. That is his clue, apparantly. Because after that, he crushed his lips hard to mine, sucking. I kiss him back, trying to keep it lowkey like how good girls do it but failed in a second. Me too, sucking it. We move our head to the opposite side from each other to deepened the kiss. This is crazy because it's not just felt like a kiss but anything more involved in it: my heartbeat, my blood rush, goose bumps. It feels like how the first kiss should be felt, like everything around is spinning except us. Dizzy. Breathtaking.

And I can't help but moan to it, makes him smirk during our kiss.

-


	4. Chapter 4

 

Things about me and Brian has coming to end apparently. The moment he reject my feelings for him, I knew it's going to be over between us, in the meantime. True that I can't detached from him fast. Me looking for him again the other day is a proof that he still has effect on me. But I know somehow that it'll end no matter how long it takes. It's a painful long process. Well, I thought.

Because there is Jae. Pretty much a catalyst. He speed up the process, he just came to me smoothly, without much effort. And that's surprises me because I didn't expect it. He pouring on me like a sudden rain, covering me just like that. Begin just with a kiss.

I still wondering about how easy everything go with him. A couple of dinner together, a movie night, an everyday picks up from work to home, a never ending driving-talk, and a busy weekend preparing the wedding. That's how Jae filled me. Naturally. And it's not always about sexual thing with him. No, it's rather full of feelings. Feelings that should be felt in my early 20's. An innocent flutter, a modest expectation, a sincere affection.

How easy it is to cuddling with him for hours without feeling awkward, like now. We're cuddling on his bed, fixing the list of people we're going to invite to our wedding. We're working on our childhood friends right now, but the list is kind of empty because I don't keep contact with many of my childhood friends. Jae is worse, because he left this country to continue his middle school and just back recently. The paper only have 10 names on it.

I'm still thinking, with Jae's right hand circle around my body, he can reach the paper I placed on my bending knees easily because of his long hands. He grab a pencil in my hand then write one more name on the list: Kang Younghyun.

"That's it?" I asked when he giving back the pencil to me.

"I just remember him. He's kind back then."

"I didn't remember him."

"No surprise."

I punch his chest softly. He keep teasing about my short memory because I didn't remember that much about our elementary school days.

"I met and hang out with him a couple times in my college days."

"Oh, really?"

"We jamming often for like 2 years, but then he gave up his study and went back to Korea."

"Jamming...?" I look at him, our faces are so close right now. It happend more often, but I still feel this heart beating fast everytime it happened. I hope this feeling will last long because I'm liking it. I like it because it feels like I proving myself, if not to Brian, that there's someone elese that makes me feel what I felt when I'm with him.

He smirk, "Some kind of playing instrument together."

"You doing music?!"

"Yes, back then." He smile again rather shy about it. "I'm pretty good with that."

"Really?! Oh wow!" I don't know why but a guy who play instrument is always my type. "What did you play?"

He get up, leaving his warm off me, and I kind of feel sad about it. Strange how my feeling is already strong for him.

He open one of his cabinet and pull out an accoustic guitar from there. I see another one inside, he must be serious about this.

"I am more cool with the electric, but I think the accoustic is more appropriate to be played here. I'll make the entire house shock if I play the electric one." He smile.

"What's with the self praising?" I laugh.

"I just stating a fact. I wish there'll be a chance for you to witness how cool I am with an electric guitar in the near future, but this first." He smile for the last time then sit on the sofa across the bed.

And he plays the guitar, softly at first to set the mood. But it gets more rhytmically from time to time, and he start singing G-Dragon's Missing You. He technically rapping and he's good. It's a duet song, so when Kim Yuna's part just about to come, he looks at me and nodded his head asking, if not forcing, me to sing. I sing it anyway, smiling all the time.

Then he back to rapping again and when it come to the lyrics: "The days we used to fight and argue are way better than now." He keep repeat it for 3 times, prevent me for singing Kim Yuna's part that should be the next part.

I laughing and whimpering at that.

Then he stop his singing but not with his picking on the guitar. "I sang this song a lot in my college life. And that is my favorite lyrics."

"Why?" I smile, already know the reason somehow. I'm assuming the days of fight and argue in that lyrics is our days back then, when we bickering at each other. He already made it clear that he likes me all this time, but it's just good to keep hearing him confess to that.

He grins, know that I asking that on purpose, he knew that I already know the answer. Seems like he understand that I like hearing his confession again and again. So he give me what I want, liking it too.

"Because I missed you a lot. I missed our bickering and arguing, and those are way better than what I had back then."

His picking on the guitar stops.

"Do you remember our last day? Before I left this country?" He look at me with such hoping expression, and I feel bad once again because I didn't have any clue about that.

I don't even remember where we met for the last time, how can I remember an overall detail about that day? So I just give him an apologetic look after thinking hard.

"No surprise again." He laugh a little. I like that he never really gets mad about that.

"It was after graduation. You'll be going to your grandma's house for holiday and not back until some time, and I'll be leaving this country around that time. I ran to you then we stood in front of our school's gate and said..." He looks at me intensely. "...I will marry you later after I come back. I will study hard so that I can protect you from anything the world throws at you."

Silence.

I see his fingers moving in the air around his guitar, not touching it for not making any noises.

"How can you still remember the words precisely, though?"

He smile then pull out a paper from his pocket. He open the folding two times. "Because it's written in my time capsule letter. I just remember it too. All this time I just remember about marrying you without any detail. Turns out, I wrote it all here, then that day suddenly appear to me."

I blink two times. How can't I remember such sweet confession? Why I just remember him as an annoying kid who I argued and bickered with everyday at school? This is not fair for him.

"Do you remember my respond too?" I'm afraid to knowing it, but I should know, shouldn't I?

"You just laughing it off, I guess...? I didn't remember it clearly too. Maybe you added a 'whatever' too. But I was so determined that day, so it living in me. That promise I make with myself, and with you eventhough you didn't take it seriously at all, is living in me." He knock his chest twice with his finger, "Not change that much here."

"How can I take that seriously? We're just graduated from elementary school!" I defense myself. "See? You really did many things opposite from my liking. I might be not even thinking about marriage a little bit back then."

He pouted his lips and nodded his head twice, accepting my excuse. "Acceptable reason."

Another silence.

"I'm sorry for not remember it, though." We look at each other and he smile.

Then he continue his guitar playing, continuing the song and I singing Kim Yuna's part again. In the end he singing that part with me harmonizing it. I like it so much I should've record it.

By the time we finish singing, he also stop playing his guitar, and we staring at each other, smiling. A brief silence.

"Why you like me, though? I was rude."

"That... I'm not quiet remember, too." Jae staring at me. "Yes, you were rude, you clearly won't talk to me in a normal way, but you always respond everytime I said something annoying to you, so I keep doing that. Guess I keep bickering with you just to be able to chatting with you." He looks so honest with his words. I'm touched. Why can't I feel it back then? Am I too rude to saw his honesty? Or Am I simply just not interested in anything or anyone beside myself, my family, and my life? How egoist I was.

I get up and walking to him, his eyes looking at me in wondering state. When I finally stand right in front of him, we staring at each other with so much meaning behind it. A sincere feeling of liking each other shown in our eyes. I think I sincerely like him right now.

I touch his hair on the forehead, moving it to the side. He just looking at me, questioning my action. I cup his face in both of my hands. And I kiss his forehead, hoping he feel my sincerity. He deserves every nice thing in the world.

"The list?"

I jump back off from him, leave his foreahead in reflex, surprised.

"Mom, knock!" Jae shouts annoyed.

Jae's mom look at us from behind the door, only her head appear in this room. She's laughing at us. Especially at me who still try to calming myself. "So the list? This is important, we should hand it this evening."

I move fast to the bed, grab the papers and hand it to her, smile in embarassment. She looks at me and smiling to tease me and I feel my cheeks are turning tomato red.

She scanned the paper fast then look at Jae. "You used to have many friends, are you sure this is all?"

"I don't have their contacts, mom. Don't know where their live now, and how to reach them."

"Okay, I'll take this. You can continue with what you're doing." She then leaving just like that, close the door again for us after gave some meaningful look.

I turn my body to look at Jae who smiling then hold up his bang to showing his forehead, asking me to do something about it again. He clearly tease me, though. So I walk to him and flick his forehead with my fingers instead and he shouts "Why?!" whimpering. Then I sit beside him on the couch.

"Why you don't want to be a princess though?" He asked and plucking his guitar again softly, creating calm melody that goes well with the talking.

"Because princess's life always perfect. They got everything, but so naive. They want a normal life and be a normal people outside the castle, but in the end, they will crawling back there to be with their prince charming. So naive. And I don't like that they always got the happily ever after ending. Well, that time, I feel my life was pretty smiliar to princess's life. People always see me as a perfect good girl from a perfect family, everything must be easy for me because my family had everything. Then somehow they started to expect something bigger from me. But I don't want to do big expectation they wish for. I just want to be a normal people, doing what normal people do, making mistakes like normal people do, be reckless. But in the end I came back again to my castle, to my family and be their expectation subject again. That's why... I don't want to be a princess."

A long silence before Jae say, "But your family do that because they care for you. They want to provides all the best things to you."

"The best thing they thought I wanted to, while in the truth is I don't wanted it."

"What you want, though?" He put down the guitar somewhere beside the sofa.

I look at him, wondering If I really should say this or not. It's so personal I never talk about this to anyone in my entire life. "It's a childhood dream of mine..." I look down my head, "That time, my parents started to plant their version of my future in my head, that I should study hard and continue my family business. I am the only child. But I don't want that because I see what my fathers did, he started to lose himself doing business. His time for the family were gone, all he think about is his company. 6th grade is the transition from I love my family to I hate my family. I can't even saying what I really want for my future. And everything just seems so annoying, including you." We both smile a little, "So I think I didn't give much attention to my surrounding because of that." I pause a little to prepare myself saying the embarassing part. "I really like drawing back then, I like telling story, too. I want to make an ilustration book that time. I want to be an ilustrator and releasing my own book, a child book filled with stories other than princess."

Silence again.

When I finally have courage to lift up my head, I see Jae is thinking. He look at me but his mind is working. "You can do that right now. Are you still drawing?"

I laugh it off, "Not at all. That dreams were buried down already, I forget about that as time goes by. I still kind of hate my family for that. I just... had this responsibility to be a good girl for them, an obedient. Because I don't want to hurt their feeling."

"We can do that now. You can publish your own book."

We staring at each other, I'm surprised at how he respond to that childhood dreams of mine. I used to feel embarassed everytime people asked what my childhood dreams are. Because it felt like nothing compared to my parent's dream of me.

"You're not laughing at it." I say quietly.

Jae looking at me in disbelieve, "Why should I laughing at it? Nothing's wrong with it and it actually doable."

I stare at him. How can he be this kind?

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! Why you don't believe in yourself? You were assuming your parents will laughing at your dreams so you never say it to them. Am I wrong?"

I don't reply because maybe he's right. Maybe I keep deny it all this time, that I was a coward back then.

"Who knows? Maybe they will help you."

"No, they want someone who can continue running the business."

"But you can at least proposed to them to doing both, to be good at both. You clearly capable of that."

I become soft with his words. Why didn't I have the courage back then?

"I'll be with you if you still want to make it happend." He say with an open arms.

I shift my body without thinking and hug him, burried myself in his. His arms that covering me are so warm. His skin on me feels so nice.

"You want to hear what else that I want?"

"Hm, okay. What else?" He said with his lips pressing the top of my head.

"I want to be with children. I like being with them, seeing their bright smile and their energy."

"Oh, that's why when you play with Hanwoo I feel you must be good with children!"

"You feel it?" I lift up my head from his chest to look at him.

"Yeah, Hanwoo look happy in your arms, too." He look at me, our faces are close.

"I'm thinking about running a kindergarten or a child foundation."

"That's doable, too."

"Then who will running all those business stuffs?"

"Me?" He smile, "I can handle it."

I smile too then peck his lips once. He smirking, liking it. Then I do it once again, and again. Until he finally cup my face to stopping my movement to kiss me properly.

"But the wedding has to be done first." He say it on my lips between our kisses.

"Sure." I'm smiling in our kiss.

-

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

I never thought I'll be wearing a wedding dress this soon. It's only for a pra wedding photo session but I feel awkward wearing it. It's just like any other dress, but there's unexplainable feeling when I wear it. Jae's expression when I finally walks in to the studio is not helping, too. He smiling liking it, but completely frozen.

"Beyond my expectation." He smiles from ear to ear, soft. His eyes looking at me softly.

And here I am feeling kind of embarassed because of that.

"I know you're pretty, but this is just beyond my imagination." He said in front of me, eyes piercing to me.

"What's in your imagination?"

"Rae, you won't believe how wild my imagination of you."

I agape my mouth, shocked. But then smiling, "Rated above 19?"

He smiling feeling all shy about it too. But then he move closer to me, whispering in my ear, "Way more than that."

I'm smiling and shivering because of how his soft breathing blew in my ear.

"Alright, future bride and groom, stop the dirty talking, let's start working." Dowoon put both of his hands on his waist, glaring at us annoyingly.

Then we start the photo session.

And another thought flashing in my mind when I feel Jae's hand circling my waist. I thought there's nobody who want to marry me willingly. Come to think of it now, all the man who was with me is just want the advantage of my family. They just want a higher status for themselves, to be acknowleged by the society. Never once I met someone who really like me as I am. They're always carried some missions. That's why I give up with my love life, too. I see no hope to meet a guy who really accept me for who I am, it's all business here in my world. I practically just a stepping stone for them.

Jae is not like all those guy. It's only a month since I keep in touch again with him, but I feel it. His honesty, careness, and respect. He likes me for who I am, he didn't laugh at my childhood dreams, he thinking about it, find a door for me instead. And it's strange that I can feel him just like that, without much efforts, without busy looking for this signs or those signs. He just simply be himself, not faking anything to get everything.

I already attracted to him. Fall, even. I thought I never gonna feel this way.

"Okay, let's wrap up here." Dowoon said after took the last photo of us.

"Yes, finally!" Jae shouts happily.

He looks tortured through this pra-wedding photo session, but I found it kind of cute.

"You're not the one who did the best job, though. Your wife-to-be did." Dowoon said it nonchalantly without looking at us, walking from the photo set to the monitor placed in the corner of the room.

"I feel like I can finally breath." Jae loosing his tie and open the top botton of his white shirt with one hand.

Why is that image looks hot?

He lend his other hand to me to help me come down the stage Dowoon's team prepared for us for this session.

"How can you survives the wedding day later?" I look at him, smiling. More like holding my laugh.

"Oh, I can't wait to see his tortured face." Dowoon commenting.

"You have to smile all day."

"Let that be tomorrow worries." Jae is the type of guy who let everything go with the flow. 'Why bothering for tomorrow if we can freely feeling this current moment? Appreciate today, this moment. Aren't you wasting the chance God give to you right now in this moment?' he said that once, in our usual driving-talk one night.

I never thought Jae would grow to be someone so wise like this. He's an old-money-rich, a heir, and heirs are tend to be annoyingly arrogant, from what I experienced. Including me, actually. More spesifically, I am the rude one. Seems like Jae have a mission to taming me.

"I really give up with the formal one, let's just use the candid photos. It's more natural and honest." Said Dowoon some time after we start checking the photos he and his team took today.

"See, see this." Dowoon pointing his finger to Jae's smile who indeed looks really awkward.

"I agree." I laugh because of that.

"Your wife looks pretty natural, but what's with this expression? Are you forced to get married?!" Dowoon can't hide his annoyed feeling.

"Hey, I'm the one who initiate the marriage, no one forced me!" Jae defending himself.

"But your smile..." I laugh harder.

"I just didn't know how to do it, okay?" He's embarassed.

"Let's just use the candid one, there are better though."

"I like this." The monitor showing Jae who lean to my side, whispering something to my ear, smiling. I'm smiling too because of what he said. I didn't remember what exactly he say, but thanks to Dowoon and team who capture that smile of him. I really like it.

"This or this. I like them both." Now the monitor showing me and Jae turn our head to one another then laughing to each other. We looks so happy and carefree there.

"My eyes looks small in this one." Said Jae.

"Your eyes are literally gone." Dowoon corrected.

I laugh hard because of that. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. Keep laughing at it, I like the sound of your laugh anyway." But he kind of annoyed.

"Noooo, I'm sorry, really. I like it, though."

"You should! You'll be seeing that for the rest of your life!"

"You should smiling all the time, then."

"I will, that's an easy thing to do." He shrug his shoulders.

"I'm gonna throw up soon because of this cheesy lovey dovey, can you both stop it? Let's get back to what's important right now, so I can go home early." Dowoon annoyed.

"Why so grumpy? Fighting with Sera?"

"We're good. I just can't stand with your lovey dovey style, I never see you like that so it kind of strange to me." Dowoon grins. "Choose!"

"Just the one before that, then. Hm?" Jae look at me waiting for my approval.

"Okay, let's use that."

"Okay!" Dowoon click the mouse for a couple times. "We settled, then. I'll send the picture in frame two hours before the event start, directly to the event location. Or do you want me to send this the night before? To your house?" Dowoon looking at Jae.

"Just send it directly to the location." Jae said without thinking.

"Okay, we're done. You may leave to change your outfit."

"Let's lunch together. Invite Sera."

"Okay." Dowoon said with his focus still on the monitor.

Sera is breathtakingly pretty. Beautiful. And carefree, the same vibe with what I felt from Dowoon. I think that's why our conversation is building easily just like that, so smooth without any awkwardness. We talked mostly  about Jae and Dowoon's past. So here's their story, Dowoon is Jae's junior in college, same with Sera. Dowoon met Jae in some kind of photography festival, he was an art student and really like photography and Jae just simply there because he bored and had nothing to do that day. But it turned out that they has the same taste in photography, like the tone, ambience, etc. So they started to get along well. And unexpectedly, Dowoon play instrument too, he's a genius drummer. So they were like jamming together as Jae mentioned it earlier to me.

Sera's part makes me a little uncomfortable. She had a crush on Jae from the first time they met. My body is kind of stiff when I heard that, and a slight of jelousy creeps in when Sera tell how handsome and dependable Jae was as a senior that time.

"But Jae Oppa never interested in dating. He always made it clear to every girls who tried to get him, that he had someone he likes to be with him for the rest of his life."

I smile at the explanation. Jae nodding his head proudly.

"He's unpenetrable. No girls can change his heart." Dowoon added in the middle of his eating.

"How many girls?" I asked curious.

"MANY! Believe me, there's so many."

"A handsome guy with an electric guitar, Rae. Of course there'll be many." Jae smiling to me, tease me.

I pouts my lips a little annoyed at his over confident. "And there's no one that attracts you back then? Not even one?"

We staring at each other. And he's thinking. There was. I'm sure there was. It's impossible he didn't like any of them, there must be someone, at least one that shake his heart. And I want to know her. Who is she, what she looks like, what made him like her, what's she capable do to shakes his heart back then. And what kind of story they shared together.

"Of course there's one." Dowoon is the one who answered that, and he got pinch on his arm from Sera. Dowoon shouts in pain.

"Who is she? Is she a Korean?"

"I'll tell you later in private." Jae said firmly.

"Why? Just tell it here. Was it deep? You still can't forget her? Was it painful?" I already jealous, okay.

He stare at me but then smiling softly, "You jealous of her?"

He got me. Bingo!

"No, why should I? It's a past, everyone has at least one past love story." I'm avoiding his gaze but he caught me already.

"Should we make a special time to talking about this? I'll tell you mine, you tell me yours?" He looks at me so intense. Seems like he jealous, too?

"Stop it, guys. It's better to leave that in the past." Sera say. We almost forget about them.

"I think you should still talk about that. It's for the health of your marriage life. Be open to each other, it's good to know your partner's past life. It makes you understand each other better. There should be no secrets between hubby and wife."

Dowoon's words give us all some kind of epiphany. We all silent for a while, thinking about his words.

"Just do it after the wedding, then." Sera shook his head a little. "It kind of dangerous if you talk about it before that."

"Because it might ruin the wedding day?" Dowoon laugh a little, staring at Sera who see him annoyingly.

Why my heart skipped a beat because of that? I turn my head to look at Jae, who blink his eyes. He seems in a deep thought, too. But not long after, he turn his head to look at me too. And the last image that I see is how determined his stare is. How firm, how sure he is while looking at me.

"Nothing can ruin it." He say it just like that, his eyes still staring at me with those certainty.

"You looks so sure." I smile a little.

"Of course." He shrug his shoulders.

Everyone smiles then, trying to change this atmosphere to bright again. And it sucess because of Dowoon and Sera. They're younger than me and Jae, but they're good at talking and set the mood, I get surprised at that.

We talking and laughing after a while when Jae suddenly shouts to someone who just walking inside this restaurant. I turn my head and see... Brian? Jae is standing and waving to Brian?

I see that man's figure once again, making myself sure once again, but there's still Brian who walking here to us, now with smile on his face. He look at me once before he arrives at our table, but he act like he doesn't know me. His smile looks so natural, he and Jae hug each other, both smiling happily. Like an old friends who finally meet after separated for a long time.

The truth is, they are.

Turns out, he is Kang Younghyun, a name that Jae wrote in the invitation list we made a couple of days ago. Turns out that it's Brian's born name, how could I never know that? But of course I never knew anything about Brian, he hide his true self from me so perfectly.

It's just I didn't expect it. He's Brian that I know, Brian that I want to forget and erase from my life. Brian who never accepts my feeling. Brian who can always drug me to him easily if he want.

They know each other. Jae and Brian know each other. But wait, Jae mentioned about him that day, when we made the invitation list of our childhood friends. So Brian was in the same school with us? Without me knowing all this time? Is Brian know about that?

But, it doesn't matter anymore, right? We're done. It doesn't make anything change between us. I'll be Jae's wife in two days, and I don't want it to change. 

-


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be in Brian's point of view

 

She looks shocked. Of course she will. But that only for a mere seconds, because she's the master of controlling her appearance. I know her inside out, she's hiding all her emotions perfectly behind that tiny figure of her. Presenting it like she's happy and fine, like there's no difficulties she can't handle. While the truth is she's broken. She feel everything too emotionally that she's broke a long time ago. Her dreams, her wishes, her expectations of the society and her family, even her self. She lost herself a long time ago. But she covering it well with her rudeness, confident, and a good girl image of her.

But I know her inside out. I know how broken she is. That's why she came to me, give in to me, lose herself even more for me. It's so easy back then when we first met. Two broken soul bored with each other's life. Two unsatisfied humans, acting all tough and fine. It was easy to lost to the unknown bound that soon become dangerous. A fuck buddy.

I know her inside out. Every part of her, physically and emotionally. I know her taste, how sweet her skin is, how delicate her lips are. How she likes it when I touch her, kiss her, bite her. How she whimper to my every touch, how her give in, how she makes me feel. I can't get out from it easily.

I still want it, everytime. I still want her in my bed, every single time. I don't know if it's mean I have feelings to her, I keep deny it. I treated her coldly when she confessed her feelings, I pushed her away. Because that was the right thing to do. We supposed to not involved anything to this, we supposed to be cool about it, always prepared for a sudden partying. I reminded her everytime, though. But now, it seems like my own words are confronting me. Coming back to me like a boomerang.

It's uncomfortable to see her all smiling to someone else. She used to be smiling that happy only when she was with me. She used to touching my hand, not Jae's. She used to whispering to my ear, not to Jae's. I thought I'll be cool about it, I thought I can handle it. Now it's tortured me. I didn't see her for days, since the last time she showed up to the bar after our final goodbye. It tortured me because I can't find her replacement. Well, the truth is, it's only her. The one and only girl I've slept with. It was so easy back then.

"So we were kind of... jamming buddies?" Jae look at me and Dowoon simultaneously.

"Yeah, kind of..." I smile a little.

"Not that serious, though. We just performed some times in some bar. It was fun." Jae smiling to her from ear to ear.

"It's not serious but you have more than one guitar in your closet." she smiling as wide as him.

I know she always like a guy who plays intstrument. Jae is a perfect match for her, with all his background and bright future. I have nothing compare to him. But what's with this sudden feeling I felt? A thumping heartbeat, the urge to stop Jae touch her, to take her away from here and to my room instead. I miss her in my room. Is that mean I have feelings for her?

No, I'll get used to it. Without her, maybe after I got someone to replace her, I'll get used to it. That's what I said to her that day when she pleaded her eyes for me to accept her feeling. I said her husband-to-be can replace me, said that her feelings will transfer to him, grow to him like it grew to me. If she can, then I can too, right?

 

"Maybe if you not dropped out from college, it will be you who sit beside her right there." Say Wonpil calmly while looking at his laptop monitor.

Maybe? Maybe if I didn't too stubborn to doing music back then, maybe if I continue studying business like Jae, maybe then I'll be running one of my family's business too right now, and maybe I can meet her in a way better situations, and maybe it will ended up with me who's going to marry her. But it just a useless maybes people shouldn't be thinking even a single bit. That 'maybes' is torturing me too.

Seems like I really have feelings for her.

"I wish there's a chance for me to do something about it." I say in a daydreaming tone of voice.

"There is a chance." Wonpil say, still with a calmness that no one can ever posses. "They're not getting married yet. You still has a chance. Talk to her, tell her your feelings. Beg on your knees if necessary." He click the mouse pad on his laptop a couple of times.

And his words flooded in my head right away. Then I start to think about it seriously when I come home. I try to make it go away but her image kissing Jae in his car today at a parking lot is such a trigger. I should be the one kissing her. Then all of our nights seems appear in front of my eyes.

I close my eyes, put my head up, sighing because that images become clearer. I haven't been touch for days. I need her. I need her so bad. Irrational thought consume me, filling up my head, moving my hands to grab my phone and text her. Just a simple 'I need you so bad' just like usual.

I'm insane. Texting a girl who will married in two days to come to my place to take care of my need. I am miserable. Where is my sanity go? Where is my self-control? My ego? I never felt this shameless of myself in my entire life.

But I hope she come. She should come.

 

And my heart feel like stopping when I see her standing outside my door two hours later. She really come.

"We need to talk." She said, her eyes so firm, determined.

"Talk?"

We silence for a second then I open the door wider, let her in. She walks in hesitantly. I never see her walk in to my house with such carefulness. And she stop midway from the sofa, looks like she's not planning to stay long.

She turns, staring at me, prepare herself to say something I don't want to hear. I don't want her rejection, especially tonight.

"Don't say it." I step forward, closer to her.

"You said goodbye already."

"But you came to the bar last Tuesday." I walk closer, she starts to step back. One step at a time.

"It was a mistake." Her back touch the wall.

We staring at each other intensely. I know she will give in the moment I touch her. I know she still not completely detached myself in her. I know I still left a big effect on her. Maybe Jae is good, but I can't be replaced that easy.

"Can't I make mistake too?" I pin her against the wall, letting her know how much I need her right now.

"Brian, we can't."

"You can, but I can't?" I move my face on her side, breathing in her ear, smelling her scent. I miss her, I miss this. Blood running wild in my veins, I get tense by a minute.

"You're the one who said goodbye, don't do this." She grip my waist to push me but I trapped her already. Her efforts are nothing compared to my determination to have her tonight.

"I need you." I kiss her ear. "So bad." I kiss her skin under her ear and pressing my body to her. Letting her feeling me more. "I know you want this." I kiss her neck more firmly now, my hands grip her waist, stopping her from moving away from me. I'm insane. I can't think straight. I just want her, only her.

"I don't."

"Then why you come?" My hand start moving under her top, feeling her skin. Lord, I miss her skin on my hands.

"I need to stop this. Brian, please."

"Rae, please." I giving back her words, now sucking her neck, feeling her warm skin on my mouth and hands. "I need you."

"Brian, stop." She still trying to push me, with little effort she has. But it's useless though.

I move my lips to her throat, force her to lift up her head. "I miss you."

She moans. Finally. So I kiss her lips hard and deep.

She give in.

 

-


	7. Chapter 7

 

"You're leaving?"

"Of course, I'll get married in two days!" I shout angrily to him. I dress up fast then look at the mirror, combing my messy hair with my fingers before tying it up.

"That's it? This is how far you go? Now you crawling back to your castle to be with your prince charming, princess?"

I stop all of my movement, my breath too, if I could. I stare blankly at myself in the mirror. My heart beats fast, and anger suddenly filling me. But I'm feeling more miserable of myself. I'm pathetic, naive, miserable. Just like all princesses I always hate. I hate myself, even more right now.

But I refuse to show all those feelings to him, not again. He know enough about myself, I won't let him see more.

"What do you mean?" I turn myself to look at him. 

"Done playing in normal world, now you're going back to your castle?" Brian sits on his bed, already put his clothes on.

"You're the one who pushing me! You don't want me that way, Brian. Now what are you trying to get by saying that?" I glare at him, angry.

He silent, just staring at me.

"You said goodbye first. You were not hold me back that day. I'm yours if you didn't acting so cold that day!" I shouts, can't take this anymore.

"Then be mine right now."

I lost for words. How can he said that? How can he just saying no then yes back and forth like that? He's not Brian that I knew.

"Why? Why now?"

He silent again, longer this time.

"I still want you." He look me in the eye, trying to make me believe at his confession.

I believe him, I believe every words he said. But this is just wrong right now. It's a mess right now. I just can't be with him like that after what he did to me. He clearly throw me away that day, treat me so coldly with his arrogant gaze.

"You just want me physically, and I'm tired of it." I pack my things fast, grab my bag.

"No, listen." He grab my elbow, stopping me from leaving.

"There is nothing I should listen about. There is nothing we should talk about anymore. You ended it. We're done. Let me go."

"I can't get you out of my self, it's torturing me."

"Time will do. Or like what you said, another person will do." We stare at each other again intense.

I hate him. I really hate him and his uncertainty.

"Please, Rae. Can you give me a second chance?"

"Jae doesn't deserves this." I grab and push his hand that hold onto me. I turn back and walk fast to the door.

"Yeah, Jae doesn't deserves you either. He much better person than you. He's way too good for you."

I stop right in front of the door, frozen. He's right. He always right. They are friends. Lord, he must be know so much about Jae. And he knew everything about me too, so he must be right. Jae is a very good guy, I clearly don't deserves him.

I hate him for making me feel this way. I hate him as much as I hate myself. Why had I come here, really?

I open the door still with anger lingers on me, not give him any chance to speak or persuade me even more. I'm done with him. Maybe I'm done with everything too.

I drive my car fast, emotions filling me. I don't know who I hate the most, Brian or myself, or the actions he did to me these past weeks. If he told me about his feelings that day, If he hold me that day, it won't be feel this bad. Now I'm cover in guilt, I don't know if I can face Jae after this. Jae is so nice to me, he thinking about me, he thinking about what's best for me. But what did I do to him right now?  I slept with his friend two days before our marriage. How can I face him tomorrow? How can I face him with this guilt for the rest of my life?

Tears start falling from my eyes. My phone keep ringing, calls from Brian but I really don't want to answer it. I know he will be following me with his motorbike to get to talk to me, so I drive to different route from what I usually take. Suddenly, everything feels so heavy, this is the worst feeling. I can't hold it so I stop my car in the side road then cry. I'm crying hard. I never sobbing this hard in my life.

I feel so stupid, miserable, I hate myself so much. I miss Jae, I want to be with him. I never feel so much in need of someone to calming me down than right now. But the guilt is taking over me. I don't have any courage to call him. What should I do? What should I do with the marriage?

I cry louder, sobbing harder. I want to be with him.

-


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jae's point of view

 

Something is wrong. I feel it. She didn't pick up my phone all day, but suddenly asking to meet in a private restaurant for dinner. She insist to meet there when I say I'll pick her up from work just as usual. Her voice on the phone sound empty, soul-les, tired. Something happened. I hope it's not serious, hope it's not related to the wedding, hope it won't affect anything to our wedding planning. I hope we still can standing side by side in altar tomorrow. Please, be something else. Anything except our marriage. I pray all the way to the restaurant.

She arrived first, already sitting in a private room, a glass of water is already served on the table. Her head is looking down, not bothering my presence. Is she avoiding my gaze?

"Something's happened?" I asked after the waitress served a glass of water for me. My heart beats fast somehow. This is that feeling again. The feeling of rejection, kind of similar with what I felt from my childhood. She still silent, but why I can predict it already?

"Jae..." She lifts up her head, trying to see me. Really trying hard to look me in the eye. Is that ashamed in her expression?

Her eyes swollen, red, tired. "Are you crying?" Nervous and anxious comes like a flood to me. Is she feeling some kind of marriage blue or anything?

"I really need to say this to you."

I just blinking my eyes, wetting my dry lips with my tounge. I want to drink this cold water in front of me, but I afraid to even move my hands from this position because I feel like my worries will come true if I do that. So I just gulping down.

She gulping once too, "I don't deserves you."

I froze, let the words absorbed in me and processed by my brain. But it results in an unidentified meaning to me. "What do you mean? Of course we deserves each other."

"No, listen. I did something bad. Really bad that it doesn't deserves forgiveness from you."

I wait, let her take her time to tell me further.

"I'm sorry, Jae. Really sorry." She looking down again, "I slept with another guy yesterday."

Her words are like a thunder that stopping my heartbeat. What is she saying out of the blue? Yesterday? We spent a whole day together yesterday, happily. No, we're spent weeks together happily, trying to know each other. We were honest to each other these past weeks, everything feels good, so fine, perfect. But she said what? Slept with another guy? Who? Her boyfriend? Is she has a boyfriend? She never gave any indication if she has a boyfriend or something like that these past weeks, she never mentioned that.

What is this? Out of the blue? How should I process this information? How should I react to this?

"You have a boyfriend all this time?" I try to calm my voice, to not loose control.

"No, he's not my boyfriend technically, it's... complicated."

What? Not a boyfriend but she slept with him? What is this nonsense?

Should I get mad at her who practically not yet my wife? Or should I let this pass like it was nothing because she still has a right to do whatever she wants because she's not yet my wife? What are we doing these past weeks, then? What about the time we spent together? Those kisses from her? Those caressing, stroking, cuddling, all the touching? What about the compliment words to each other, the support and all nice wishes to each other? What about our memories and dreams shared to each other? Isn't all that precious to her? Doesn't all that means anything?

"You love him?"

She lift her head up to look at me, and I'm curious about what kind of expression I had right now. What she see from me right now? Am I look alright right now? Too shocked? Hurt? Disappoint?

"I... I don't anymore." She's stuttering. Her eyes looks unsure.

"You don't? But you met him yesterday and..." I stop to brace myself to say this words. "What? Slept with him? When you don't love him anymore?"

"I know, I'm terrible, a slut, even."

No, I don't think of her like that. That's a really serious label, and I don't want to label her this soon. There must be a reason. She's a grown up, mature enough to make decision for herself. There must be a reason why she did that. And I can't think of any other reason beside she still love him.

"I really don't deserves your forgiveness. I don't deserves you." She's trying hard to prevent her crying.

How many times she cried already? Her eyes really swollen. And just when I think of that, a tear drop from her eyes unknowingly. She shrug it with her fingers right away, but then more tears are falling. She's crying.

What should I do? She did a really bad thing indeed, but why I want to comfort her right now? Why, instead of screaming madly at her, I want to patting her back to stop her crying? Why she cry, though? Shouldn't I be the one crying right now? Why she so sad about it? Is she regretting what she did?

Why can't I speak anything?!

In the end, I just waiting, frozen. Waiting her done with her emotions. This is the most painful waiting I've ever experienced. Is it mean she's gonna cancel the wedding? Is it mean she's gonna come back to her boyfriend? Leaving me?

"Can you say something? You can scream to me, curse at me. I deserves that."

I staring at her, loss for words. I don't know what to do.

"Why? I just want to know, why? You seem happy with me these past weeks, or am I just imagining things? Those touches and kisses, all of our talks, I thought you like it."

"I do."

"So, why? You said you don't love him anymore, so why? Why you did that? Am I not enough for you?"

"No, Jae. It's not you, it's me. I am the problem. I'm miserable. I can't handle myself." She cry even more.

The fact that her boyfriend makes her labelling herself miserable... what kind of man he is? How can he make his girl feels miserable?

I am completely confused.

"So what you want me to do? We're supposed to get married tomorrow, what do you want me to do?"

"I accept whatever your decision is. I can't ask you for more, Jae. I don't deserves a happiness with you, I am so bad. I tell you this so you get a chance to reconsider the marriage. You should know what kind of person I am. I don't want you to regret this."

Are you really that bad?

"Of course cancelling the marriage is the right thing to do, Rae..."

"I know, I understand. I accept that, you deserves someone who much better than me, who take care and loving you much better than me. I understand." She cuts my words.

Is this really what she want? If she want to cancel the marriage that bad, why she's crying? If she want to come back to her boyfriend then why she's crying?

Should I be the one crying?

 

-

 

I come home welcomed by my mother's worrying look, but I just blinking my eyes tiredly. I told her on my way back home, that I want to cancel the marriage. She shocked, panicked and started giving me a dozen of questions but when I got home, she look at me pitifully. Like she's sorry. Then she just hug me.

I spent two hours staring blankly at the road inside my car before I get home, but I still can't find a proper words to explain to her. I know my mom is not gonna judge me or blame me for this, she's a rational mom that knows me very well. She trust me too, that there must be some serious reasons behind my decision.

 

"Thank you for handle the cancellation, mom." I said to her in the middle of the night.

I can't sleep and my room feels suffocating because there's trace of her, so I go to living room instead, planning to sleep on the sofa. My mom explain everything perfectly to my dad, eventhough she's not know the reason either. And seems like she can't sleep too because she found me sits on the sofa in the dark.

"Are you okay?" She said, worry.

I don't know if I'm okay. I still can't believe this. I supposed to get ready to my wedding in a few hours, but suddenly it got cancelled.

"She will be feeling worse." I think about her, I still think about her. Is she has someone to comfort her right now? I know her relationship with her parents aren't as good as mine. I know she rarely speak anything regarding herself and her life with her parents. Is she crying alone in her room right now? Bottling up all the emotions alone?

Or plot twist, is she doing just fine? Worse, happy about it? But no, she's crying in front of me. She didn't hoping for this kind of situations either. That's what I am sure about.

My mom sigh. "What happened, though? You two still looks so happy two days ago. Why so sudden?"

"It's complicated..."

"Not you who change your mind, right? That's just an excuse, right? I know you always want to marry her, you won't change your mind just like that, unless she did something bad. Is she did something bad?"

"She just need a time. I believe she just confused about herself. She let her emotions control her and prevent her to think straight." I don't know what I'm talking, don't know where is those sureness come from. But somehow I knew, feel it. That she'll be with me in the end, no mater when. Picture of me waking up in the morning beside her always seen so clear to me, so close, so real. I believe that will happend soon.

My mom sighing once again. "Why everything always seems so complicated for young people nowadays?"

I smile a little, "Yeah, right."

"Back then, we were so happy if there's a man asking for marriage, we agreed without much thinking. Because feelings can be built from time to time. We'll fall in love eventually with our partner after getting married, it's a natural process."

"Trust me, mom. Everything's will get back to it's place. It won't take long."

  
-


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a little confusing to read because it going back and forth between Original Female Character's point of view and Jae's point of view :')

**_-Rae's PoV-_ **

 

Of course the cancellation marriage of the two heirs from two biggest groups in Korea will become the talk of the town. Everyone speculating, guessing, creating their own version of the reasons why. But the most version they believe is: Jae changed his mind and cancel the wedding a night before the D-day. Completely wrong, but most of portal news use that story and no one deny it. Jae's family doesn't do anything about it, why? It ruins Jae's reputation, he labelled with hot-and-cold-guy now, one time he said yes but another time he change it to no. Business expert commenting how bad this character will affect a business process and can ruin it completely.

They're all go too far. Jae isn't like that, he is the most determined person I've ever know. He always 100% sure about his every actions and decisions. Why his family doesn't do something about this? He's in a disadvantage right now.

Did he let that scenario going around in order to protect my reputation? Is he willingly taking all the blame right now? God, if that's true, I'll deserves even bigger punishment for what I did.

I feel more miserable than before, I took days off just to locking myself in my room. My parents asked about what happened but it feel like an empty words. Because they more sad about losing an opportunity to become one with Jae's family business. My parents never asked about my feeling at all. I'm all alone right now, in my room, and I want to be with Jae so bad. I miss his talking and encouraging words. I miss his warm touch and sincere kiss. I'm crying more if I think about him. I disrespected him, made his reputations turn bad, and I still want him shamelessly. How dare I still think about to reconcile with him? How dare I think about asking for a second chance from him? I'm pathetic, I deserves worse than this.

But I can't be like this forever, I shouldn't be like this forever. This is not me. I'm a confident rude princess, I won't let people look at me in pity. A week of self-isolation should be enough.

So I go out.

I come to my favorite bar, on Tuesday. I don't care if I'll meet Brian there, I don't care about what will happen to us next. I cancelled my wedding anyway. My life has ruin once again anyway.

I get drunk, dancing crazily on the dance floor like there's nothing happened, people starts to whispering about how pathetic I am. But I don't give a care. I don't be a good girl anymore, let people think what they want to think, I just do what I want to do.

And strangely, even with Brian's stare at me through the night, I don't waver. No urge to coming to him, no urge to touch him like I always felt back then. I feel like I finally detached from him. Is this how it feel to not wanting him anymore? Actualy this feels good. The feeling of I'm surpass him, feeling his jealous gaze on me while I dance close to another guy, many guys on the dance floor. The lights, the musics, people cheering, those things sucessfully brighten up my mood.

But that's just for awhile. Not even last until the night's end. Because I feeling it again, how pathetic I am right now. Even more miserable. The worst type of a person.

And I miss Jae, I want Jae.

-

 

**_-Jae's PoV-_ **

 

"Look at her acting all tough. Isn't that disgusting?"

I look down, trying to look busy with my phone but the truth is I'm listening carefully to their words. A bunch of girls talking about Rae, not far from my table. This jacket and hat successfully cover my identity.

"It looks more pathetic rather than acting tough. She must be broken, to be dumped by her husband-to-be just a night before the wedding day."

"She deserves that. She always hava a perfect life all this time, this is a fair deal to her."

"Yeah, think about it. There is no way in life that someone will have everything perfectly. There should be, at least one, aspect that broken. A crack."

Rae never want to be perfect, though. Even when all her surrounding gave her all the perfect things, she has her own version to live her life. She had hard times everytime people expects all those perfection from her. She forgets about her dreams long ago because of that, buried her own true self, covered with those perfect good girl image of her. It's just unfair to judging her like that when they know nothing about her.

Why I defending her, though? She did a very bad thing, but why I keep standing on her side?

I sigh.

"And look at how Brian see her right now."

I tense. Brian? Kang Younghyun, that Brian?

I turn my head a little to search Brian's face, and yes there he is, sitting in one of the chair in bartender's table.

"He keep staring at her like that since he finish his performance."

"Seems like he's not done with her?"

I frown my forehead.

"Yeah, he keep pushing girls who approached him since the official announcement of her marriage."

"He can't compete with Jae, he just nothing. A bar performer who has nothing. How can he still hoping for Kim Raein?"

"I heard Rae still can't get over him too."

"Really? Impossible. Rae must lose her sanity if that's really the case. Why she still want Brian if she can have Jae?"

"Heirs problems."

"Maybe that is the reason why the marriage is cancelled? Because Jae knows it?"

I sigh, hard. What is this unintentionally Rae's story I heard? She was with Brian all this time? Was it Brian the guy she slept with two days before our wedding day? Why she didn't tell me? We met Brian that day, for lunch, to handed him our wedding invitation. They didn't know each other that day. Or they did? But not showing it? What is this?

I gulp down my drink all at once. I need something to help me take all the information I just heard. So let me summarize, Rae said she doesn't love him anymore. They're not in the relationship, but it's complicated, and she still slept with him two days before our wedding, although she doesn't love him anymore. And she labelled herself miserable because of that.

My head hurts.

The music's stop, and suddenly I hear a voice. A girl's screaming. I turn my head to the middle of the bar, see people stepping back to make a circle of two bodies facing each other. I stand up, walking closer to get a better look.

"GO AWAY FROM ME! Don't touch me ever again, we're done. YOU SAID WE'RE DONE! You don't want me that way! You said that the set-up marriage is for my own good. You walked away from me, Brian. WHY YOU DO THIS NOW?"

"Rae, please. Can we talk in private?"

"NO, I HATE YOU. I hate how you make me feel these past weeks. You makes me feel like trash."

She's crying. She's crying again. My princess is crying again.

"I'm sorry." Brian touch her shoulder, trying to make her look at him, "Listen, days without you makes me realized that..."

"GO AWAY!" She push him in the chest with both of her hands then step back. "I don't want to hear that, stop calling me. JUST GO! LEAVE ME!" She squat down, put both of her hands in her head, covering her ears. Her head is looking down to the floor, crying. Frustrated, full of regret, sad.

What makes her feel so sad?

And I make a decision without thinking, walking to her then squat down in front of her. I heard people whispering but I don't bother it.

-

**_-Rae's PoV-_ **

  
I feel someone right in front of me but I know, with a little sanity left, it's not Brian. I feel embarassed, people surely looking at me right know. Maybe they already start to badmouthing me. Worse, make a mp4 out of this. So I cry harder, loud. I'm pathetic insane girl, and I'm all alone. Screw reputation. I'm just like those typical heirs making drama out of my life.

I feel something on my head, a hat? Someone put a hat on my head? Then on my shoulders and covering my back, a jacket.

"What makes you so sad?"

Jae? Is that Jae's voice or am I just too drunk and too wanting him here so I halucinates him?

I lift up my head, still crying. I see Jae's face got blur on my eyes because of my tears. But it's Jae. It's really him in front of me, squatting down just like me to be able to see my face. I'm crying harder. He witnessed everything then. But I really don't give a care about my reputation anymore. It ruined already, and I lost my pride long time ago, so what's so hard to lose it once again tonight in front of him?

I'm sobbing while looking at him.

"Let me ride you home." He open his palm and handed it to me.

I stare at him and he nodded his head once. I took his hand then, without saying anything. He hold my hand tight, pull me to stand up, then he walks me out of this place. I still drunk so my steps are shaky and he circle his hand on my back, to help me walks straight. The bar is silent, but people is whispering. But Jae, always with his determination, taking me away from here.

He help me get on his car, putting my seat belt so I can feel his face close to mine. Not long, because he move it right away. I miss him, I miss his kisses. I want to hear his voice. But the ride is silence, no one speak or make any noise. I am too drunk to starts a normal conversation so I lean on to the seat until my head touch the back of it. I close my eyes a couple of times, my crying had stop, and what I feel right now is dizziness, sleepiness. I feel like I can't keep my eyes open even for a minute.

And this comfortable silent is surely has the big role to my sleepiness.

"I don't want to go home." I mumbling. I still realized I'm mumbling it with my eyes closed.

Somehow I open my eyes and turn my head a little to look at him, "Please I don't want to go home."

He stare at me in the middle of his driving. "Alright, let's go to my house then."

My eyes are close again, and this time, my sanity go with it.

 

 

It's so comfortable, so warm, fluffy, peaceful. I feel it on the tip of my fingers, on every part of my body, and through my soul. So I move closer to those comfort, drawning myself more. Something on the back of my head moving steadily, in the same pattern, same pressure. Soft, nice and slow. Creating a really comfortable rhythm.

My eyes still heavy that it can't open. Something pull me again to the sleepland, I don't want to wake up. I don't know if I mumbling that words or just thinking it in my head.

I don't want to wake up.

But there's an answer to it, "Just sleep more, then. It's okay." I hear that soft-honey-like-voice so far away, not sure if it's just a dream or is real.

So I sleep more, once again drifting away. Leaving this world once again.

 

I'm hoping for the same comfort and warm when I fully sober, but there's none. No warm and fluffy covering me, and not a single move in my head that creates comfortable rhythm like earlier. I open my eyes then, see a foreign surrounding. I never been here before, where am I? And the bed is empty. Just me, sitting and wondering what exactly happened last night.

I remember it clearly, what I did to Brian at the bar. I remember it too, there's Jae taking me away from there, like a knight. And I am sure too, the moving on my head and the warm feeling I felt earlier was from him. But the bed is empty right now. Is he leaving me just like that? Is he change his mind?

The thought of losing him again frightening me, and makes me move right away. I get out of the bed, open up the door in hurry it caused a sudden loud sound in this house. And just when I take one step outside the bedroom, I see Jae's surprised look, looking at my direction.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He said after put a bowl of soup on the table.

I frozen. What I see right now is clearly not the scene I'm expected. He's making table for breakfast, for two. And I feel relieve. Relieve that he's there, not leaving me alone in this strange house.

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." He smile, seems like he feel my fear of losing him.

I sigh relieved, then his smile become wider.

I decided to clean my self first before eat what Jae prepared. It's not completely his job, his mom stop by here in the morning and giving this soup, he said she worried about me so she checked on me too before she left. I want to cry hearing that, I am so touched. How can I repay them both, really? I did bad things but they're still so nice to me. Now rather than feeling undeserved, I feel thankful. They're like angels that grab my hand when I asking for help, when I asking for someone to save me.

I really want to be a part of them, can I asked that for my last wish?

"I'm sorry, Jae."

"You said that already."

Now we're cuddling in the sofa after finished our breakfast, watching anything that gets our interest. 

Comfortable.

Be in Jae's warm embrace is just feels perfect. The feeling of not wanting anything anymore.

"Why you're not asking anything about last night?" I asked softly, carefully. Frighten, nervous, but also determined to make this as clear as possible. So I'm not regret it later. No more hiding.

"Do you want to talk about it? The truth is, I have many things I'm curious about. But are you okay to talk about it right now?"

I move my head so I can see his face, "I won't hiding anything anymore."

Jae smiles, feel winning.

"I think I love you, Rae."

I'm surprised with that sudden confession.

"Even when you did bad things to me, I can't mad at you. It's strange that I still defend you in front of my mom when I told her to cancel the marriage. I should be blaming everything on you, but seems like I love you too much to do that."

"Jae..." I completely soft hearing that, "...I really don't deserves that kind of kindness from you..." I put my head down again.

"But can you stop feeling like that? You don't understand how much you means to me. So rather than underestimate yourself because of the bad thing you did, can you promised me instead? Promised me that you won't ever do that again, can you try to keep me near you? Makes me believing you?"

God, why can't I be like that? Jae's words makes me realized that I didn't just underestimated myself, but also underestimated his feelings for me.

"Kim Raein that I know never think of herself like that. You're the most confident person I knew back then."

Silence.

"Rude, even." He smile teasing me.

I forms a smile too, then punch his shoulder softly. Everything is so easy with Jae, I feel it once again. It's like he can picture out the big image of us and makes most of our problems or worries feels like just a tiny part of it, he makes me think that we shouldn't bother about that tiny problems too much but focus on the important one instead.

"So was it Brian?" He asked, finally.

"Yeah, it was him." I look down again in his embrace. "I didn't know his real name is Younghyun..."

He wait patiently, for me to explain everything. And I tell him everything. All of it, every feelings I felt when I'm with him. How we started those dangerous bound, how hard for me to get out from it. And how Brian treated me these past weeks after our family planning the marriage.

He just listen to it calmly and I'm wondering how can he be so calm like that? If I'm in his position, I'll be so jealous and mad, screaming like a crazy women.

"Did you really mean what you said last night to him?" Finally he speak, and finally I see him frightened, hesitant.

"I want to be with you so much last night, I miss you so much." I look down again for a second but lift my head up right away, "And I hate how he makes me feel for the past weeks. I know it's not completely his fault, I was wrong too when I came to his place that night, I was so stupid thinking I can just talk to him. But his words that night were linger in me, and I hate how that affected me. That's why I have no courage to be with you again,  I feel so undeserved to be with you, that's why I... made you cancel the marriage. I regret that right now."

"I made you forget about him, then?" Again, his expression like he winning something.

"Yeah, unexpectedly." I smile.

"So, no more running to him again?"

"I promise I won't." It's clear now. It's Jae, the person that I want to be with. The person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

"I'll help you forget about him completely."

"You already did. Unexpectedly."

"Yeah?"

"Hm."

He kiss me. Soft but intense, deep. And I kiss him back trying to match it, hoping he feel it, my feelings and my promises to him. We're hugging each other by the time he let go his lips off of mine, feeling each other warmness. Warm that I miss.

"Can we do something again about the marriage?" I asked just with a whisper, on his lips. Maybe I am naive indeed, just like all the princess characters that I hate. I'm a princess from the start, anyway. I'll crawling back many times to my castle if that means I can be with him. 

Jae smiles, "Thought you never ask." He kiss me again. Fast, because then he say, "Should we just do it tomorrow? Only with our family? There's a chapel that actually can do it without making an appointment."

"I love it." I smile happily.

"And I love you." He kiss me again before I can reply his declaration of love.

I love you, too. A lot.

  
-


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, actually :')  
> I want to end it in the previous chapter but I feel unfair to Brian, so...
> 
> Brian's point of view :')

 

"Let's lunch together." Wonpil open the door and look at me, feeling hopeless for like a hundred times already for the past days. He know I will rejects everytime he offering me to go out of this house with him, but he keep doing it. Simply because he don't want me to be in despair alone forever, for the sake of my sanity.

"Just go first." I turn down his careness once again today, pretend that I still immersed with my song when the fact is, I'm not making any progress whatsoever. The song is stuck, just like myself.

"Look, you can't be like this forever." He steps into the studio.

"Be like what?"

"Locking yourself here all day long pretend to make musics for hiding all your emotions but in the fact is you just let it consuming you so you can't function as your usual self. The song's not getting any progress anyway." He said while staring at the monitor. Of course he knew it.

"I just don't feel like it, Pil. Just gonna order something for lunch."

"Lunch is not the only thing you need. You need sunshine and fresh air, you're a human, not mouse."

I growl at him.

Everything is so out of place after that night at the bar. After she screamed her hating towards me, after she exploded. It was her drunk confession, I'm sure she couldn't say those words in her sanity stance. And just like everything can't get any better for me, I saw the news three days ago, about her marriage.

Without people knowing, in fact it's just their family and really close relatives, without much preparations, without much thinking, Jae and Rae get married. In a modest chapel no one would expected, without any magnificent party held, they just got married. There's an official photos going around a day after that happened, and they're look all happy, all smiley. She looks so happy. Then all the news sites and whole nation talking about it here and there, once again create so many speculations about them. But none of it was even close to the real story.

I knew it the moment Jae took her out of the bar that night. I noticed how she soften when she saw Jae squatted down in front of her after she let all her emotions out to me. I felt it right then that she was hoping his presence that night. It made my heart dropped right away. Then a sudden feeling of losing comes filling me. A sudden nervous, heart thumping in a frightened state, the feeling of not be able to see and touch her. I felt it that night. But still, it broke me even harder when I finally saw the news and those happy images of them. I break still. Even  more right now.

And Jae comes. He's now standing in my studio, looking around. I don't know what is his intention, he clearly knows everything already, and his presence here just feel like mocking me about his winning of her. He still not talk about it, he wander around this soundproof room, get amazed at every music-related-machine I've installed here. He touch many things, commenting and asking many things, and I just answer him. But I already know, checking my studio isn't his purpose. Is he confused about how to act around me too? Is he wondering about our little friendship too?

"I'm surprised you still not hit me right now." I said finally after he asking about Wonpil's synthesizer.

He still looking at it, place his hand on his chin, thinking. Not about the synthesizer apparently, but thinking about if hit me is really necessary.

"You should."

He turn his head to look at me, finally. But still not saying anything.

"I need it to get back to my senses, I need it to restore my sanity." Jae still in control of his attitude, still listening calmly to my words. "Because I feel like coming to her again. I feel like I'm going to search for her again tomorrow or the next day, trying to convince her once again to be give in to me once again. Trying to feel her skin against mine again, seeing her whimper underneath..."

And he cuts me with his punch on my face. Hard. Precise. I step back stumbling a little and my face looking down right away, feeling a painful sting on my upper cheek all the way to the corner of my lips. I think it's bleeding because I can taste some kind of iron from it.

Good. It's rather good, though. This is what I need, something hard to be able to getting back my sanity.

I smirk to him, "Well done, Jae. It's not that hard to loose your control, is it?"

"Don't speak of her like that, ever again." He warned me, "Just save it in your own mind." And glaring at me.

But then he sighing and close his eyes.  Fully understand that he can't do anything about what I remember about her. Images of Rae will still here in my head and he clearly understand that nothing he can do about it. I'll keep seeing it anyway, so he just sighing. He's getting angry about it is just a waste of time.

Then we silence for long. He sit on the edge of the table and I sit on the other edge, touching my lips trying to get rid of the blood from there.

"Actually I don't know how to react to this." Jae said with his wondering look, not seeing any particular things, just stare into space.

"Because you love her you don't want to lose her, so you can't help but forgive her. And you're too kind of a person, so you do nothing to punish me."

"I punched you."

I smirk at it, "You think it was enough? If I were you, I'll beat myself to death."

He sighing and there's a long silence again.

"I'm sorry, Jae." Finally I brace myself. With that words slip out of my mouth, I hope I'll forget her, eventually. I hope it will be the start for me to really letting her go, eventually. Because I know it can't be completely done right away. Just like she said, time will do.

"You mean it?"

I laugh a little, "What's the point of asking? You're not gonna do anything either if it just an empty words."

He chuckled. I know he frustrated on himself many times, because a good guy is not just his image, it's him. He's a good guy just the way he is. Yeah, it's frustrating sometimes.

"I don't want to see Rae crumble again, Bri."

"That won't happen, I promise. I'll stay away from her."

He turns his head to stare at me. "You're crumble too right now."

"Of course. But it'll pass as time goes by."

"Find someone else, a real one. It'll help."

I smile a little, "Just like what you did to her when she was crumble because of me."

"It's effective."

I smiling alone, to myself. Then silence creep in again. It's unexpectedly relieving talking to him, clearing everything. It feel kind of good, it decrease my guiltiness and snapped me all at once to wake up, to get up, to go on with life.

"Thanks for your visit, though."

He grins, "I know you still need me. So, a collab one day?"

"You wish." I teased him then we laugh.

"Make her happy. The moment you makes her sad, remember I might be the one to steal her right away."

He just chuckled.

 

-

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyungparkian <3


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